There are many times when we’re confronted by problems or are looked to for advice. It’s difficult to extend any in certain circumstances if you’re not a well rounded individual. I like to think I’m well rounded in many ways and when I do give advice, it usually involves a story or two in my own experiences: yes, a little bias.
Sometimes I’ll use information I’ve gained through a story in a paper, a biography I’ve read, a quote from Bartlett’s book of quotes- but the main thing is I try to convey feelings of mutual respect and connect in a way where there’s an understanding between us.
Some have a tendency to be overbearing and tell you, you MUST do this. Still others spill their beans in a condescending way, which is the type I hate most. Then there’s the people who give suggestive solutions. Problems can reflect in the way the information is transferred. If someone puts forth their feelings and another treads on them, you have either a fight or someone whose insides are rendered unconscious; one depressive individual. For now, I’ll title it the Me Me Me syndrome.
The Me Me Me syndrome is the willingness to bring forth a story from one’s own experiences in life and allow it to help in the recovery of a fellow person. It’s a way for someone to see that another person can feel the same way as you, and indeed recuperate from whatever it is that ails them.
Some people may see the Me Me Me syndrome as a selfish and exploited way of bringing only one side of the coin into view. It can certainly be that way if the material which is presented by the “helper” is totally unrelated to the “helpee”. In fact, some selfish people will pull a topic which is FAR from the fact of helping anyone but themselves, AND will show they lack the ability to LISTEN. However, a listener keen on helping someone will absorb what it is they say and give guidance, the only way they know how- through their own experiences.
My parents always raised me to give elders respect. Respect for their experiences, and their ages, because they’ve felt the sting of life, felt the joy, felt the let downs, felt the elation. There are so many things we can learn from older people if we take the time to listen. Nowadays, it seems there’s a disregard for the elderly. Perhaps its the tendency to move from place to place and not be in one community any more- lay roots down- the building of a self protection from the pain of loss. People build relationships, then shed them like some kind of skin, when they move. Anyways, if you sit down with someone who is over 70 and LISTEN, you’ll find plenty of gems in their knowledge.
I’m a young man, (ok, getting older young man) with a youthful heart. Bumps in the road? Plenty. Yet, every bump has its mark. It’s had its meaning, like every one of you have had a bump. We recover from those- IF we allow ourselves to. I tend to obsess on the bump until I wear it out- like this recent episode of embarrassment. It’s one of those things, but I tend to see it as a wake up. It provides me a source for the information I place in columns like this. It gives me the inspiration to write, because without inspiration, the deep dark spiral of every day activity becomes one’s void.
Today’s lesson is about ME. Everyone has a ME syndrome, some more than others. There’s nothing wrong with it, if what you say is absorbed by the right ears in the right way. HOWEVER, if you take that ME ME ME way, and are living to TELL people what to do- yelling and screaming, demeaning, smashing them down, ripping apart their insides for joy. Well, good luck to you. The opposite of life is death, and who knows where that’ll lead ya.
Make today a good one. Ask someone over 70 how their day is- it
“The Game”
I’ve never been one who’s liked the workings of politics. Certainly, I understand it and I know how to follow it’s course, but having an agenda follows it’s own course. You’re limited in your abilities to manipulate aspects of it, and really you’re going to be who you’re going to be.
I like to watch it at work in even the smallest of things. Comments made, how one person bounces off another, or is dragged under a car by words given. Don’t get me wrong- I know how to work the system, but like I said, I don’t have the stomach for it.
I think a great example of politics at work is the show “Survivor”. A group of assorted people are placed in a harsh environment and must do things to win survival equipment, FOOD, and various other prizes. They are broken into 2 groups who must balance daily tasks such as finding food, maintaining fire, making shelter- all the basic necessities to live.
We as the viewer watch as people manipulate each other to become the last survivor and grand prize winner of a million dollars.
At the beginning, I thought the show was really good. It introduced the initial strategies of survival. For the first 5-6 seasons, you’d see different strategies and politics of people from all walks of life. I stopped watching shortly after that because it seemed the “new survivors” always shaped their strategies based on the first seasons (became copycats) and they employed more younger and prettier people than your older more experienced life-seasoned veterans. Part of the attraction for me was seeing HOW people when confronted by the harsh realities of their environment would manipulate others to survive. Some were quiet, some were vocal, some put their foot down, some rode on others tails. It depended on each and every personality.
Certain people are very vocal and want you to do what THEY want to do. They picture themselves as an all powerful being who cannot accept anything other than what they believe and they extend it out without mercy. I think it’s really an insecurity thing. If you look at someone who knows everything about everything, or at least believes they know everything about everything, they have little acceptance of change. Change being the main issue of politics. People in these categories have personal insecurities which they themselves can’t get over. They are familiar with one way, and adapt poorly to any thing contradictory. They can be insecure to the point it’s crippling and a group can suffer because of “their” position on the ladder.
Change is an ABSOLUTE necessity in life. The better a person’s ability to adapt, the better the person will be in the end. Often those who are are in high positions have the keen ability to switch on a dime. Look at those great politicians who say one thing and do the other. They appease us, change, and adapt. They get to their positions by their way to ease into the systems and not piss people off. Certainly they do along their way (look back at survivors who WEREN’T in the running) but they fend off the insults and the comments effortlessly.
I saw politics in action as a kid and perhaps it was my sharp ability to see how things are shaped by interactions which made me different. I laid blame on it for the destruction of someone VERY close who could see nothing BUT it. Now, as I always have done, I keep it at arm’s length.
So in my climb through life, I watch from a distance. I keep the stories in my top pocket (like most poets) and plod on. I have no need to justify my life, I feel very proud to be where I am. Falls can only strengthen the soul, if one accepts they exist.
SIDENOTE: Check out the song- Regrets by New Order. It’s a great one to drive this home.
Riff-Raff is defined by Websters as disreputable or undesirable people. These people can show up in any walk of life. Could be in your local supermarket, down at the social club, at the bar down the way- anywhere.
How one defines riff-raff is another matter. I’m sure police, security personnel, fireman and those who heed to a code of moral goodness have perimeters of definition. Basically, it’s defined by activities on which the said person or groups of people are involved in. If someone hasn’t washed in days or weeks and comes into a restaurant for food, I’m sure those who take a wiff will quickly isolate the person for ejection. If a guy in baggy clothes is standing on a corner of Fifth Avenue and 60th St. at 2am with a cap lowered over his face and a bottle in a brown paper bag- they might be questioned by the authorities. This past summer, an old vagrant was picked up in the town of Long Branch, New Jersey. He was a white man in a largely black neighborhood, and walking around in “tatty” wear when he was questioned by police. The man claimed to be a famous musician, but the questioning policewoman was young and knew nothing about music. She asked for ID, on which he replied he had none. So, the policewoman brought in a second car. The second policeman couldn’t verify the identity of the man either (granted another young CLUELESS policeman). They decided it was best to get the riff-raff off the street and take him to the station.
When the man arrived, the older police authority said something like, “My God, you just arrested Bob Dylan!” Let him go. Without ID, he was let free. Mind you, he did tell the arresting officers he was in town to play a performance that evening- but I suppose without ID- you’re a ship with no ocean. Suppose Dylan got the last laugh.
It got me thinking about definitions. If you had a rich guy dressed to the “T” in a poor neighborhood, one where there were people standing around at all times of the day, yelling and screaming, cars ripping up the streets and trash everywhere- would the locals define him as “Riff-Raff”? He certainly would be out of place, and obviously not BELONG. He could be questioned in regard to WHY he might be there, because most people would think he was up to no-good. AND if that was the case he could clearly be called Riff-raff… but what if he was dropped in the neighborhood by some undesirables and had to find his way out?
There’s a magnificent old movie titled “After Hours” made in the 1970’s. It was about a computer programmer or typical business guy who works in a respectable environment in Midtown Manhattan. Somehow (if I can remember correctly) he ends up on the lower East side. His only $20 bill is swept out a cabbies window, and he’s tossed out of a regular world into a TERRIBLE neighborhood. He’s accused of local thievery, killing an artist, stealing gas, and gets into the CRAZIEST of situations. All because of losing his only bit of money and NOT being able to find a way out. I’d HIGHLY advice any artist type- musician, painter, writer and such to SEE this movie. It’s not only hilarious, but it captures the really scary place of the lower East side in the 1970’s. There are minor cameos by Cheech and Chong who are the real thieves, but trust me you’ll have a laugh.
The best way to control an environment is to eliminate the unpredictable elements. Those in the security business are quick to define them, and are largely right based on a string of experiences. The trick is to cause as little ruckus as possible, and eliminate retaliation by the offender. If done in the right way, one in the same environment might not even know an altercation has taken place. Ideally, the exit will be close and POOF- the riff-raff “executed”- “executed” meaning ELIMINATED in this case.
If ever you’re in an altered state of mind (or under the influence of Vodka or Whiskey) be aware of your environment and your presence in it. If you’re not, you might realize you’ve been tagged with an old 15th century French word from the phrase “rif et raf, ‘one and all, every bit.”- RIFF-RAFF.
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