So here I am at 11:44am with a Scotch next to me. I had thought about having it after noon (like it would have mattered) but decided it’s noon somewhere.
I intended on taking the 9:37am train into NYC today to visit the first bar on my “Best Bar Wednesdays”- the ‘21′ club. I was dressed, all ready to meet the day, mentally prepared. Just as I was leaving, and I mean literally, a call comes through. The ID was a local number. I thought I should let the answering machine pick up, after all I was catching the train…. no call is that important - EXCEPT a call from the school nurse.
FUCK……
It’s just typical for me. Every time I want to do something for myself, I get slapped in the face and must face the responsibilities of being a father. Last Weds, it was snow and schools were cancelled. The Weds before my other half was out of town. What will it be for next Weds? I have no FUCKING clue- but something’s bound to come up.
Anger is a tough thing on days like today. When I’m mentally prepared to do something, start a project or do an interesting for MYSELF, something always gets in the way. It’s starting to make me cynical. There was blurb I’d read not long ago in a book titled, “The Art of the Personal Essay”. It was a passage by F. Scott Fitzgerald about getting older and how when he used to help others, he never seemed to get anywhere. It struck me at the time. He started to cut people off, not want to engage with conversation because he wasn’t interested. He was disenchanted. I could see how that could happen.
I’m not one to sit around and get fat. I’m a mover, a shaker- get up and go sorta guy. Being confined gets me messed up. Seeing people sit around makes me angry. I suppose in some ways it’s good, cause it works the mind a little, but I need my imagination to bridge the reality of confinement. I need to explore, need to feel and touch those inanimate objects with past histories, to find new passages through which to jump. It’s like Jimmy Fallon once said in a Mick Jagger skit, “Mick, it’s Stale.”
(I’m swirling the ice cubes in my drink…..I put it down)
It’ll be another week I put off my venture, so for that I apologize. At this point, I don’t give a damn if I have a Gout attack. I think it’s far easier dealing with physical pain than mental. Nevertheless, it’s a rut. Could be the weather, could be my state of mind-
(Phone rings- I answer and disappear a few minutes..)
Good news is my buddy, Brian called to get back to me regarding a show in Asbury Park, NJ. Many of you rock and rollers are probably familiar with the town that made Bruce Springsteen famous. The legendary Stone Pony is hosting a double bill of the English Beat along with Fishbone (a band my friend Brian & I have been seeing since the DAY). It’s very close to his place and it’s something I didn’t want to miss. The two together… well, that’s the bomb. It’s happenin next week and he wanted to pick up tickets. HALLELUJAH ! Good news!
Now, I take a deep breath and begin to repeat to myself, it’s not so bad… it’s not so bad…. boy, that Scotch really helps take the edge off….
Ever feel lazy all of the sudden?